NEWS FLASH: Your Childhood Influences the Kind of Parent You Are
With the kids out of school, many families are going on vacations, sending their children to summer camp, and of course there are those families whose schedules don’t change a bit other than having to figure out alternative arrangements for childcare. For many parents, the summer months can actually bring on more stress around the house because of having to adjust to a different routine from the previous nine months. As a parent it’s important to recognize that’s it’s not just the adjustment itself that brings about a stressed out family, but indeed, how you as a parent respond to the stressors that are presented to you.
What could be triggering this response in you, you might wonder? Think back to your own childhood and how you felt around your parents when summer came along and you were rushing to the airport, or going off to camp, or sitting at home in a very unstructured environment. The experiences (good and bad) we had when we were children get brought forth and influence the way we parent. Often, when these experiences have not been fully processed they can lead to unresolved issues that influence how we respond to our own children’s behavior. And as parents, we are especially vulnerable during times of stress to act on the basis of our unresolved past issues.
You Never Knew You Could Be So Vulnerable
The adjustment that happens when couples transform into parents can be joyous, exciting, and stressful all at once. Neither parent has any clue as to how much work this is going to be no matter how much they try to prepare. Loving this newest little member of your family brings about many emotional and psychological changes. Life goals, values, and priorities shift for new parents. Couples have a new focus of what it means to be a team. And through all of the crazy making, it's important to remember that with this adjustment comes normal responses to stressors. Responses from each new parent such as:
John Gottman and his team of researchers have been studying more than 3000 couples since the 1970's, some of whom have been followed for 12 years or longer. The team was able to collect data on couples who were becoming parents, and if you're about to become a new parent, or have just recenty given birth, you are going to want to read on.
World Mental Day - October 10th, 2016
Today is October 10th, which means we, the global community, are celebrating our 24th annual World Mental Health day. World Mental Health day was first put on by the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH) in 1992. This is a day for mental health education, awareness, and advocacy for the entire international community of which we are all a part. Indeed it is also a day, as the World Health Organization says, "for all stakeholders working on mental health issues to talk about their work, and what more needs to be done to make mental health care a reality for people worldwide."
I’d like to focus less on my work, and more on my general outlook and philosophy on mental health care in society. We’ve got some serious work to do. This year’s theme, ‘Dignity in Mental Health (DIMH): Psychological & Mental Health First Aid for All’, a campaign to eradicate the stigma and taboo that has surrounded mental illness for hundreds of years. Sure, we’ve come a long way since the mentally ill were thought to have demons in their heads, where the ancient medical professionals of the time would perform trepanation interventions, drilling holes into the skulls so the spirits could leave the 'possessed'. Our understanding of mental illness has come far certainly; and we need to go further in education and creating awareness. We all have a role to play in removing the stigma of mental health, and it starts with normalizing it.
Share This With the New (or Soon to Be) Dads in Your Life
Are you a new dad? Know a dad in your life, or perhaps someone who is about to become a dad? I know you've heard the expression before, "Kids don't come with instruction manuals." Everyone has advice to give about parenting. And you can certainly make yourself crazy trying to get as much of the most important and relevant information that will help you to be the best father you can be. Some of my favorite resources for new fathers (and mothers) will be included at the end of this article, but what I'm most eager to share with you has to do with raising emotionally healthy babies and children.
Full disclosure here, I have only been a father for about 10 months now, so I can only personally relate to the beginning of this journey. Last year before our daughter was born, I took the train up from Washington, D.C. to New York City for a training put on by The Gottman Institute called Bringing Baby Home. As a psychotherapist who is passionate about helping couples, families, and new parents making the transition to parenthood, this training was right up my ally. And with my first child on the way, this 2 day workshop couldn't have been offered at a more opportune time. I want to share with you what I learned, and how you (and your child) can benefit from the latest findings. As it turns out, there IS a manual! And one if it's most important teachings is that raising your child(ren) to become healthy, well adjusted people begins with your relationship with your partner.
Robin S. Smith is a psychotherapist practicing in Bethesda, MD. Robin created The Couple and Family Clinic Blog to provide useful articles on issues related to mental health as well as articles on local, national, and international news stories. Learn more about Robin on the About Page.